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Monday, January 17, 2005

Waiter Jokes #2

Waiter! Waiter! There's a button in my food.
It's probably from the jacket potato.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Spooky Jokes #1 & 2

Where do you find giant snails?
On the end of giant's fingers.

What do monsters play at parties?
Swallow my leader

Knock! Knock! Joke #2 & 3

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and you'll find out.

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Wheatibix who?
I'll tell you tomorrow, it's a cereal.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Waiter Jokes #1

Waiter! Waiter! My meat has got a footprint on it
Well you said "bring me a steak and step on it!"

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Blonde Joke #2

Poor ventriloquist

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Surrey.With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little guy sitting on your knee!''

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Animal Joke #2

What do you get if you cross a camera with a crocodile?
A snap shot.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Knock! Knock! Joke #1

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Alison Who?
Alison to my radio

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Little Johnny Joke #1

What I just saw!

A new teacher was giving an assignment to her class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on thechalkboard.

Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom!" she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard.

Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,

"What's so funny, Billy?"

"Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!"This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks." She says.

Embarrassed, she drops the eraser when she turns around, so she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an all out belly laugh from another male student.

She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "Where do you think you are going?" she asks.

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over."

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Animal Joke #1

I think that I'm a chicken

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

Friday, January 07, 2005

Blonde Joke #1

Born that way

How do you confuse a blonde?
You don't. They're born that way.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Laywer Joke #1

Shark Attack
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.